Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Back to the Playground...

Today there was so much drama in my life. The kind of drama that reminds me again, of the playground days. Compassion was never found on the playground. Kids just being kids. Wanting to see their friends, to get 'their' swing, or 'their' merry-go-round. Never thinking about the person who was left in the corner, sad, unnoticed, with no one to talk to.

I have a lot of internet friends. Friends I met while I was planning my wedding, friendships that have evolved and new ones that have been formed. These women are my 'core group' in many ways. I have Bible study with them, I share in the joys of their children, we get together with our husbands, we walk, we talk, we laugh...but not always. Today something changed. All because of an internet chat board where I have felt now for a long time that the compassion was lacking. It is a group of women with children, women who are pregnant, trying to get pregnant and some that are just there because they want a private place to exist with these women. I have always been the one to ask the kid on the playground, that unnoticed, lonely girl, if she wanted to play. I want people to feel welcome. Where there is seclusion, I fight. I fight for that individual, I try to place them in my shoes. I try to have compassion. These past two weeks I was starting to question that compassion. Is it right?? Is it fair to the women that want a more private atmosphere? Even putting aside my own ideas and thoughts, I still fight. I started to think that what I was fighting for wasn't right. What I came to realize is that it is right to fight for the lonely majority. The majority are the ones that don't feel they can fight, the ones that won't win their battle alone. Yet they are the majority.

Today I felt violated. Violated for doing what I felt was right. How mismatched a statement it is. They don't go together. Violation and what is right. I tried to think of what had gone on the past two weeks. What my part was in all of it. What could I have done differently. The truth is that I wouldn't have changed a thing. Women have reached out to me, thanked me. They still love me just the same. Some love me even more than they did before. The ones that don't, aren't worth my time. What I learned is there is a lot of sense in fighting a battle you may never win. Because you earn respect. Respect from the people that love you, that love what you are doing for them, for the cause. They don't want to see me go. That is humbling to me, but again, I have vowed to leave the playground days for good (see below). Today, my heart ached at the thought of some friendships being displaced. Compassion...indeed I have it. I did learn today that you can fight the good fight and still win. I have won many friendships, even if I won't be a part of the daily chatter of that board anymore. My very wise husband gave me great advice. "Love the ones that love you, and leave the rest" Best advice... Ever.


apt said...

There's an open swing next to mine. Always.

dad said...

call me about this one