Thursday, September 13, 2007

Inferiority Complex

Last night, I had a chance to meet up with one of my close friends and her mom's lunch group. They get together, whether it be in times of need, or just for fun. They have lunch (or dinner), they enjoy a few cocktails and they laugh. A lot. They are a load of fun to be around, these 50+ year-old empty nesters, at least until last night.

There was one woman in particular that I have met before. She is a kind and loving soul, a good friend I am sure. Last night, she had a few too many cocktails and it was so hard not to notice. She was slurring her words, and all the while, she kept on drinking. When I arrived, I felt so bad to see her in that state. Like, why couldn't she realize it was time to cut it off and grab a cab home.

As the evening progressed things got weirder with her. She was asking very abrupt questions like "do you live in a small house, or a big house"..."no kids yet? wow!" I mostly ignored her because well, why would I say something?? She was obviously drunk and not thinking. Then I noticed a puzzled look on one of my friends faces, and I glanced over to my other friend who was now engaged in a bit of a scuffle with this woman. The older woman kept saying "I can't see your eyes" (we all thought she was commenting on my friend wearing her glasses too much?) and you could see my friend getting more and more frustrated. Finally, my friend said "I appreciate your opinion, you are entitled to that, but now, I am must go because you have offended me." At that moment, the woman got up, (even though my friend was the one that threatened to leave) we thought she went to the bathroom...instead, off she went. In her car, three sheets to the wind.

It turns out this woman had asked my friend to "take your disgusting nose ring out of your nose right now." There were two girls at the table with nose rings. But only one of them was so abruptly confronted. I started to think about how I didn't shoo her off when she was bugging me. How I didn't want to start anything and therefore, I did not stand up for myself. All to often I am noticing a pattern of inferior-superior with my generation and my parents generation. But last night, my girlfriend showed me that it's okay to stand up to someone, and even leave the room if you must. Even when it is someone that demands respect. Ignoring them solely for the purpose of 'letting it go' might only make this more of a problem. Yes, she was drunk, but she had crossed the line on more than one occasion and my friend was the only one with the kahunas to stand up to her. She was an adult, that demands respect, yes. But aren't we also to demand respect?? And shouldn't it be granted?? I think so.


apt said...

You were a busy gal last night.

I think we'll always feel like folks older than us deserve respect that they have earned merely because of their age. I think that means we were raised right. But, uh, yeah good for your friend for letting her know she had crossed the line in a polite way.

Hope she got home okay.

Elizabeth said...

Wow, that is an odd experience. I bet that woman was not feeling to proud the next day. I agree with you but I am the same way. I sometimes just keep my mouth shut to avoid conflict but I think that she really needed to be told to take a step back. The fact that she left shows that she must have been somewhat embarassed or knew she was wrong-hopefully. Although, who knows when alcohol is playing a part. It is scary that she got in her car and drove.

Love you,


Christina said...

Good for your friend for standing up to her even though she probably won't even remember it the next day.