Saturday, December 27, 2008

Whirlwind

Daycare, returning to work, Christmas, Charlie's first cold....this has been us for the past week.

I went back to work this past Monday. And off Charlie went to daycare. I had a bit of a breakdown on Sunday night last week. It just didn't seem natural for a Mom to be away from her very young little boy. On Monday, I woke up, got ready and we waltzed out the door. I wasn't emotional then. I was ready to return to work. I gave some minuscule instructions to the daycare teacher and I went on my way. It was snowing HARD last Monday. I drove to work in the dark,with the snow coming down hard, thinking about my Charlie, in the swing, wondering where I had run off too. I blared the radio (for the first time in months!) and sang the entire way to work. Thank goodness for Oasis and Champagne Supernovas.

We got home on Monday night, and we were beat. Charlie had slept very little at daycare and he had eaten a TON. Far more than these breasts could produce. He was up most of Monday night; on and off, eating and sleeping. I was nervous about Tuesday. Frightened. Even a little bit terrified. But, off we went. I gave a little bit more direction this time when explaining his routine. And I drove off, radio blaring. I left work early on Tuesday, but I had things to do. And this is when the Mommy Guilt set in. I had errands to run, and I had paid for the day at daycare. But, I wanted to see him. BUT, I had things to do. I ran my errands...trying not to think about him. When I picked him up at 5pm and looked at his sheet, I noticed he had slept ONE hour the entire day. "OYE VEY!" I thought to myself. ONE HOUR?? We got home, and he immediately went to bed. He slept and slept and slept. And on Christmas Eve he was his normal happy self again.

Returning to work is hard. Even when you do it gradually like I have attempted to do. It just doesn't feel natural. It's not "right," as I told Curtis. But, we do what we need to do to provide for our families. I know I need to give it some time, but it's so hard to not feel like I want to quit my job, or at least go part time, and hire a nanny. Something that might salvage the hard work we have put in establishing a routine. Something that might salvage his tiny immune system (yes, he has a cold too!). An environment where he gets unlimited one on one time. These are hard things that us new Moms (and Dads!) have to endure in the year 2008 (almost 2009!). As much as I thought I would be able to just do this whole daycare thing, I am doubting it more and more. I love my job...I have a passion for what I do. But, when you have a child, it's amazing how that child trumps the other things that you love. I feel torn and especially discouraged about going back to work. I know I need to give it some time, but it's hard to not feel like this just isn't the right thing to be doing with our son....

I am ready for this whirlwind to stop.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The rest of the pictures...

Amy gave me a link to the rest of Charlie's pictures today. Aren't they awesome? I don't know how I will ever choose.

Charlie's Pictures

The password is King

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Charlie Monkey

Yesterday, my good friend Amy Carroll stopped over to take some pictures of Charlie.

They are AMAZING. I started crying when I saw them. I just can't believe this is my child. It's so surreal!

Here, have a lookie:

Amy Carroll Photography

His pictures are the first ones, at the top.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Queen of the Kings gets a makeover!

Since the inception of Queen of the Kings, back in June of 2007, this blog has always been the colors orange and blue. I don't know why, it just seemed fun at the time. Thanks to my cyber-friend Jenni, I was inspired to update this blog with a fun template.

And so we have an update to this place! How do you like it?? Festive, eh?

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It's snowing pretty hard here. I haven't left the house in a couple of days and that's alright with me. I like being hunkered down like this. It's kind of fun, especially when it's so frigid outdoors. We have been snuggling one another a lot, and keeping busy eating oatmeal and reading the newspaper. It's been fun.

I am slowly getting into the Christmas spirit. Since Charlie was born, I still have this weird feeling that we are still in October. When it first snowed a couple of weeks ago, I was all sorts of confused. I couldn't believe it was time for "that" already! The last 8 weeks have flown by. I return to work in 2 more weeks and while I am excited to get out of the house and get back to work, I will also miss my little monkey. I am making sure to cuddle him especially well and enjoy my final days with him while I am on maternity leave.

Hope you all enjoy the layout update. I think it's kind of cool :o)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Charlie Smiles

Today, I caught Charlie doing this on the video camera:





Pretty sweet, eh?? He is 8 weeks today. And we are so proud of him.